I turned 37 on February 24. Thirty-Seven! For some reason that just seemed a lot older than I expected? I admire those that have lived longer than me and respect their wisdom, ambition, and determination to endure well. I eagerly hope to be like them as I join the ranks of getting older and wishfully wiser too. Having said that and genuinely meaning it, I am a little caught off guard to "feel old" when I voice aloud (or write it down) the official grand total of the years I've been living. 37 – wow. It is good to be here though. I'm happy to learn from the experiences of life – good and bad.
A thought on being wiser…
I have a confession to make: I quit ward choir.
it is not characteristic of me. I have been self-evaluating/questioning my decision for the past month since calling the choir director and resigning. At the time if felt like the best plan for survival but the last few weeks I began to doubt and wonder if: I am not willing to sacrifice as much as others? or if I'm not being supportive enough? These thoughts plagued me more each day, until one day my visiting teachers showed up. I laughingly expressed my doubts to them and then I heard their words of advice come. Words that I already tried to tell myself but didn't know how to believe until somebody else verified with their opinion too. "Those feelings of doubt are from Satan." Of course he would want me to feel guilty and unworthy and judged by others for not attending choir. How silly my thoughts all sound in retrospect! It IS WARD CHOIR after all NOT Sacrament meeting.
I believe it is possible for me to get too excited about all of the "good/better" things offered through the programs of our church, in which I am readily willing to support and attend and join all in the hopes of becoming a better person/wife/mother, that I begin to go whacky and think of these supplemental options as mandatory. Taking this approach, for me, can be counterproductive, as noted above. I realize now the need for me to back pedal a bit and realize which things are "BEST". I credit my wise mother for teaching me and giving me the green light and the courage to say, "NO" (temporarily) to a church thing such as choir. She helped me understand that there is a season and time to do all good/better things, and that my eternal salvation doesn't hang on the thread of ward choir right now. It will be nice to get the opportunity to sing again someday, but for now I am supporting the ward choir from the fourth row back on the left hand side of the chapel with my husband's arm around me. I've learned to cherish (not take for granted) singing praises each Sunday through opening, closing, and sacrament songs as a rewarding spiritual investment.
This little experience has taught me the wisdom of enjoying the simple & essential ways the gospel offers me to progress toward to my eternal goals. 1. Deep contemplation and learning through the SCRIPTURES. 2. Devotion to remember the Savior through heartfelt understanding of the SACRAMENT prayers. 3. Personal REVELATION and reminders to live worthy to be a part of an eternal FAMILY through TEMPLE Attendance. 4. Less treats and handouts and more meaningful SERVICE and genuine concern for sisters I visit teach, for all youth in my ward (YW/YM as well as Primary Kiddos), and especially my FAMILY. 5. Humble & submissive PRAYERS offered and regularly linked with FASTING.
I can see that by saying NO more often to the nice to do list it can really help me feel liberated and at peace! I hope these simple goals will stick to me long and I won't have to relearn them very often in my old age (hahaha) as life "happens".