Someday

This morning I found out that my cousin, Mandall Beattie, passed away. My heart is sad as I reflect the years I spent with him and my Uncle Morgan's family as we grew up. We ate a lot of cake and ice cream together each year as we celebrated birthdays and living well in Burton, Idaho. As he grew up, it seemed that he struggled through life trying to find his way and himself – don't we all? But I loved him like I love any of my cousins and could recognize his good heart. I think of his children, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends left behind to sort through pieces and try to understand. Hurt and grief is so painfully real and I can't even begin to imagine how badly it must feel – especially for his five children. Tender feelings of compassion and empathy for them are easy for me to find but difficult to express through my own words or actions. It is humbling and relieving to know that Heavenly Father is in charge and we can be instruments in his hands when our heart is in the right place and it's the right time. It's amazing to also know that because of the sacrifices made by our brother, Jesus Christ, our hearts can heal. Because of him we can find the peace we seek. It is miraculous.

I've been sitting at my piano. A place I find myself when my feelings get all mixed up and I feel helpless inside. I begin to work out my sadness through each note – it is very therapeutic. Eventually I ended with the song, "Someday He will Come." This song becomes the words to the testimony my heart wants to speak. I can't wait for the day when Jesus Christ will come again and there will be continual peace ….

"Someday He will come, sure as we live and breathe. One day every man and woman living on the earth will see His face. Someday. Someday He will come, sure as the seasons change. He will call the children to Him, He will bless the souls of every race. Someday. When He comes the world will melt away, earthly things will slip right through our hands. Leaving just our hearts to stand before Him – just our lives to speak for what we've done – what we've become. Someday He will come, sure as the end of day. When I humbly bow before Him will He find me worthy of His mercy and His grace? I will speak of Him with every breath. I will seek His sprit all my days. Everything I am I will surrender, just to know Him when this life is done – when He comes. Someday."

Comments:

Ri Ri said…

Joe, You have such an amazing testimony. I hope that oneday i can be as strong as you. I love the amazing example you set for eveyone around you! Keep it up!
Saturday, March 10, 2012 7:20:44 AM

Grandma and Grandpa Parker said…

Jodi, we share your feelings,but on a different level. Morgan is such a good man and each of the things he cares about or that anyone we love cares about cause us to feel deep feelings when difficult things happen.
We sure hope that he and his family, including nieces feel the power of the love the Savior helps us feel at these challenging times. What a blessing to have the testimonies we have at times like these. We sure love you and respect you great example.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012 1:26:40 PM

37 Years old and slowly gaining the wisdom of being able to say NO

I turned 37 on February 24. Thirty-Seven! For some reason that just seemed a lot older than I expected? I admire those that have lived longer than me and respect their wisdom, ambition, and determination to endure well. I eagerly hope to be like them as I join the ranks of getting older and wishfully wiser too. Having said that and genuinely meaning it, I am a little caught off guard to "feel old" when I voice aloud (or write it down) the official grand total of the years I've been living. 37 – wow. It is good to be here though. I'm happy to learn from the experiences of life – good and bad.

A thought on being wiser…

I have a confession to make: I quit ward choir.

it is not characteristic of me. I have been self-evaluating/questioning my decision for the past month since calling the choir director and resigning. At the time if felt like the best plan for survival but the last few weeks I began to doubt and wonder if: I am not willing to sacrifice as much as others? or if I'm not being supportive enough? These thoughts plagued me more each day, until one day my visiting teachers showed up. I laughingly expressed my doubts to them and then I heard their words of advice come. Words that I already tried to tell myself but didn't know how to believe until somebody else verified with their opinion too. "Those feelings of doubt are from Satan." Of course he would want me to feel guilty and unworthy and judged by others for not attending choir. How silly my thoughts all sound in retrospect! It IS WARD CHOIR after all NOT Sacrament meeting.

I believe it is possible for me to get too excited about all of the "good/better" things offered through the programs of our church, in which I am readily willing to support and attend and join all in the hopes of becoming a better person/wife/mother, that I begin to go whacky and think of these supplemental options as mandatory. Taking this approach, for me, can be counterproductive, as noted above. I realize now the need for me to back pedal a bit and realize which things are "BEST". I credit my wise mother for teaching me and giving me the green light and the courage to say, "NO" (temporarily) to a church thing such as choir. She helped me understand that there is a season and time to do all good/better things, and that my eternal salvation doesn't hang on the thread of ward choir right now. It will be nice to get the opportunity to sing again someday, but for now I am supporting the ward choir from the fourth row back on the left hand side of the chapel with my husband's arm around me. I've learned to cherish (not take for granted) singing praises each Sunday through opening, closing, and sacrament songs as a rewarding spiritual investment.

This little experience has taught me the wisdom of enjoying the simple & essential ways the gospel offers me to progress toward to my eternal goals. 1. Deep contemplation and learning through the SCRIPTURES. 2. Devotion to remember the Savior through heartfelt understanding of the SACRAMENT prayers. 3. Personal REVELATION and reminders to live worthy to be a part of an eternal FAMILY through TEMPLE Attendance. 4. Less treats and handouts and more meaningful SERVICE and genuine concern for sisters I visit teach, for all youth in my ward (YW/YM as well as Primary Kiddos), and especially my FAMILY. 5. Humble & submissive PRAYERS offered and regularly linked with FASTING.

I can see that by saying NO more often to the nice to do list it can really help me feel liberated and at peace! I hope these simple goals will stick to me long and I won't have to relearn them very often in my old age (hahaha) as life "happens".

Learning to Swim

I have been on a quest to achieve balance in my life for several years! It is a game that I play with myself that I never feel like I'll come close to winning. I study articles, I vent about it with my friends, I talk about it while I eat dinner with Stephen on our dates, I look for examples around me, and then I feel bewildered as I excuse myself falling short. I set the goal and put new ideas into motion and then realize after random evaluations that I need to try again. On some days I can't take the time to care, because I am spinning and juggling and swimming in the sea of insanity, but yesterday, as I drove down the road in my dirty car all by myself I noticed the beautiful weather and the promise of spring nudged at my memory. It spiraled random thoughts in my head until I ended up with the idea that just like the seasons are constantly changing – so are the events in my life. I determined that just when I begin to feel a handle on "things" and feel optimistic that I can manage, a "new" event enters the scene and the balancing act starts over. And so the story goes….This has to be why as I constantly seek balance, I feel like I'm on a treadmill for life. The trick, I discovered through my thoughts yesterday, is to keep the objective in mind, but also be realistic & flexible with myself and just keep trying. I think this is the process Heavenly Father has in mind. Balancing life is more of a quest or journey – something ideal to try for, but it most certainly will never have a finality or end – like sleeping and eating. And now that I stopped to process it all, I like this concept of "balancing" more. There is a great article in the February 2012 Ensign on it all.

The words of Dory the fish from "Finding Nemo" find new meaning to me and I sing, "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim." 

Worthy and Willing

For one last  journal entry this month I thought I would put in some kind of random thoughts I put together to share at a meeting. I was asked to talk about "The Role of the Church" from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints 2010 Handbook. In the handbook it states, "The Church provides the organization and means for teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ to all of God's Children. It provides the priesthood authority to administer the ordinances of salvation and exaltation to all who are worthy and willing to accept them." Hope this makes sense to anyone who chooses to read…

The organization of the Church helps us put the knowledge of the gospel into motion. Our Heavenly Father has laid this out to help us reach our full potential as a human being on the earth. It enables us to be taught and then choose with our free agency the path required to salvation & exaltation. The most obvious way is through the ordinance of baptism and then later temple covenants we make; but it is also found in the week to week  progress that goes on each Sunday as we come to church.  Not only do we have the privilege of partaking of the sacrament, through the means of the priesthood, to remind us of these covenants and recommit to follow the Savior's teachings, we each take turns to serve in different capacities to help fellow members learn more about the gospel of Jesus Christ.  It is a great to see the joy and happiness that comes into their lives  as they do the will of the Lord.  Other times we get to the chance to be the one who support the leaders by being humble & teachable. Either way gives us the opportunity to spiritually prepare ourselves for the ultimate goal of exaltation. Really stop to think about it??
Our family scripture study this week gave me an opportunity to see how the role of the church worked back even in the days of Alma.
In the middle of the book of Alma, Alma heads a mission to reclaim the apostate Zoramites who have denied Christ and built the Rameumpton to worship with set prayers.  When he gets there, Alma prays and begins to go forth preaching the word of God in their synagogues, houses, and streets. After much labor, he eventually ends up finding some people who were "humbled because of their afflictions." These people were not allowed to meet with the apostate people because of the "coarseness of their apparel". Alma is able to have success to teach these people. As he teaches he compares the word unto a seed that must be planted and nourished. He explains that when the seed is nourished, "it can grow into a tree from which the fruit of eternal life is picked." In verse 23 of Chapter 33 in Alma, He says, "And now, my brethren, I desire that ye shall plant this word in your hearts, and as it beginneth to swell even so noursith it by your faith. And behold, it will become a tree, springing up in you unto everlasting life. And then may God grant unto you that your burdens may be light, through the joy of his Son And even all this can ye do if ye will. Amen."  This is the part that sticks with me the most from both the paragraph in the handbook as well as the end of verse 23 is that they each remind us of our free agency: the handbook states: "all who are worthy and willing to accept them". The verse says:"And even all this can ye do if ye will."  So it's essentially up to us. It is important for us to remember to do what our leaders ask of us –if it is from the Prophet and Apostles, our Area Authorities, Stake Presidency, Bishopric, and on down – we should be willing to accept and be ready to be humble and do the things we are taught. My nephew is on a mission in Paraguay right now. His letter from last Monday shared an experience of a less active family he and his companion have been working with.  The dad of the family continuously told the missionaries week after week that he would be at church on Sunday, and week after week my nephew and his companion would be devastated that they had not come – but the missionaries persisted. Finally a week in a half ago on a Thursday this father told the missionaries he was tired of lying to them and that he would not be at church the coming Sunday. The missionaries were deflated because they had invested a lot of energy in the form of prayer and faith on this family's behalf. They went back on Saturday and had a great visit and a defining moment where my nephew said he was inspired to share certain scriptures about Nephi and Captian Moroni and then invite this father to be like the men in the scriptures. He then followed up and expressed how much he loved and genuinely cared for their family.  The next day was Sunday, in his letter Elder Babock said, "Sunday, right as sacrament meeting was about to start, Claudio Ferreira and the whole family came walking through the front doors. I felt such a love for them, and for the tender mercies that the Lord always shows us. I came to learn something that a great missionary once taught me: 'We don't discourage members, we encourage them to become great leaders and members.' I know without a doubt that we can all become like the great scriptures heros and leaders, if we just have faith and take that faith to action. I came to learn that great lesson this Sunday, and am thankful for the knowledge that the Lord has trusted in me.

Horizontal

Yesterday we spent time after church relaxing and recuperating after a wonderful holiday! It has been such a beautiful time to spend time with family and visit our friends with happy wishes. 

I had a special request to turn on our home movies because I have been feeling like I've been missing just spending time with my little family and realizing how fast they are growing up. I felt like I wanted to snuggle up with each of them on the couch and reminisce the good ole' days! We had fun looking at how little and cute our family was over the past 9 years. I wish somehow we could appreciate life more as we live it.  Because doesn't it seem like as we rewind through it with pictures and movies that it was "the life"? Probably because we don't usually pull out a video camera when we are all feeling grumpy and upset and fighting with each other. 

It used to be that as I viewed pictures or movies of myself from the past that I would cringe just a little and wish I were skinnier, less vocal, more relaxed, have cuter hair, or be better dressed. BUT yesterday as I looked on snuggled up to my people who love me unconditionally I dared to look through different eyes. I found that I really love that person I used to be, after all she has gotten me where I am today. And I can honestly say that I am living my dream life. I am actually exceeding my dreams in expectation and satisfaction. What a blessed life I get to live!. So as I looked at the past and accepted me for who I was, it felt pretty therapeutic. I didn't feel a need to shout out an apology or mock myself in an unhealthy way – I just smiled inside instead. Perhaps it is that I am more mature and realize better what really matters in life? Maybe I am just too tired to care anymore? Possibly both?

Either way I look at it, I have finally come to peace with an unconscious competition I was having with the world. It's not about people being better than me – we are all different for a reason. There is so much to learn from each other, it is a shame that at times we get trapped into being too self conscience and comparing ourselves to other people – not feeling like we are as good as… How much happier we can be if we choose to instead see the beauty and various talents each person has come to the world to offer.

Yesterday I was able to put myself as a participator in life instead of a being a spectator. Heavenly Father has put us on the earth and views us as equals (even me)- this makes me think of a horizontal approach rather than a vertical one where we tend to see how much farther up the ladder we are getting or live in fear that we are the lowest on the totem pole, so to speak – like pieces in a game. I believe that we are actually meant to be here standing side by side (think horizontally) ready to encourage, uplift, and cheer for each other through the good and bad times. 

My Thanksgiving

I am grateful to be alive, to have a body that helps me accomplish what I need to do. I am grateful to have a spirit inside of my body that whispers truth when I listen. I am grateful for relationships that encourage, uplift, and motivate me to be my best self. I am grateful for the big picture, knowing the purpose of life and where I come from and where I want to be when earthly things are gone. I am grateful for freedom of country and free agency given from God; to go and do as I desire, to choose as I wish and learn from the consequences that follow whether they be good or bad. I am grateful for maturity and the process therein, to learn from the past and make choices that will prepare for future dreams and posterity. I am grateful for comforts of life – spiritual, physical, mental, financial, etc. I am grateful I have been given the opportunity love and be loved by some very special people; specifically Alexis, Mason, Lily, Olivia, & JT. I am grateful for companionship, and to get to live and experience these mentioned things with my best friend, Stephen Sperry Parker.

It is a blessing to be a alive at this day and time of human existence! 

Just for fun, here are the words to a song that has been on my mind and touched my heart recently. I just wanted to put the words down somewhere.

THINGS THAT NEVER DIE

By, Charles Dickens

The pure, the bright, the beautiful that stirred our hearts in youth. The impulses to wordless prayer, The streams of love and truth, The longing after something lost, The spirit's yearning cry, The striving after better hopes; These things can never die, These things can never die.

The timid hand stretched forth to aid a brother in his need, A kindly word in grief's dark hour that proves a friend indeed; The plea for mercy softly breathed, When justice threatens high, The sorrow of a contrite heart; These things shall never die, shall never die.

Let nothing pass, for every hand must find some work to do, Lose not a chance to waken love; Be firm and just and true, so shall a light that cannot fade beam on thee from on high, And angel voices say to thee; These things can never die, These things can never die.

Priorities

From President Ezra Taft Benson:

"When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands of our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities."

Comments:

grandpa Parker said…

Amen to that. What a difference having the presents of the Lord in your day makes. Even when things aren’t going just right, you feel the challenge is there to overcome, but with the help of the Father, it just feels better
Monday, November 14, 2011 6:57:58 PM

Stacie said…

Thanks Jodi! I needed to hear this! You are so inspiring!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011 8:53:57 AM

A Witch Riding A Lamb

I went to pick up Lex from voices lessons on Tuesday and drove past this house on the way. In a life that is fast paced, sometimes serious, and focused, this was a welcome sight! I had to stop and take a picture because it made me laugh out loud for a few minutes and then again at the memory of it, and now again as I see the picture. The greatest thing about this story is that I had to drive that road again today. I looked for the lamb and noticed the witch is gone, but a scarecrow is taking a ride now! Hilarious! I wish I would have taken time for a picture! These people make my days. I'm hoping for Santa at Christmas time.

What the World needs now are …. BUILDERS!

What the World needs now are… builders!

Today I was able to have an experience that leaves me with this realization: we need more “builders” in the world – and on a more personal note, closer to my home, in fact a 2-mile radius would be nice! 🙂

I am writing this entry as therapy to work through a crazy experience I had today….

I remember a talk or quote given at some church function, that I cannot now remember who to give rightful credit. It makes me sad because I would love to reread it now. I was left with the thought at the time of hearing it, that we as people need to, “seek to be a builder and not to destroy”. I tried lds.org to find the talk, and struck out.  I’m sure if I dig a little deeper I’ll find it, maybe someone out there can help?

This morning I was torn down and then spit out like mush. My feelings were tender. I felt like a little girl that was getting in trouble for something I didn’t even do.  I was misunderstood in the middle of a thought and not given a chance to explain in fullness before I was curtly interrupted with a 5-minute verbal beating. I didn’t like it, who would? I can’t remember ever having someone “get in my face” (even though it was over the phone) like this – and especially concerning my calling; a calling I didn’t solicit for myself, but accepted from the Lord. I had a pit in my stomach and felt so dark with sadness. I pleaded to heaven for help to know what to do and say, and to try to take my personal feelings out of the equation. It was hard and I’m sure I could have said things that were better! I bet this is what it feels like to be a missionary on an everyday occasion.

We all have these kinds of experiences once in a while and it makes us appreciate the “builders” – the people who see the glass half full.  I love to be around people who are positive and energized in good things, comments, and thoughts. It builds me and makes happy. It motivates me to become better. I need people like that in my life and gravitate toward people like this. I love my husband, Stephen, for it because he is a builder in word and deed. It has to be one of the reasons I married him. I know he learned a lot of this vision from his dad, who is also a builder in both aspects as well!

For now it is up to me to be a big girl & learn how to LOVE the "destroyer" in this occasion – even when it feels hard. I am grateful to my Savior who was a perfect example in this. It makes it easier to not  feel as selfish and self-reflective in my deflated state when I consider that I have a brother who was beat, spit upon, wrongly accused, and crucified because of “destroying” mentalities. Now, I am not trying to compare my incident to that of the Savior, because my little trial is a grain of sand to that (even less); but my thoughts turn to him now and I am reverenced at the magnitude of his love as he exclaimed with nailed hands & feet on his cross, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

Perhaps I was given this experience to help strengthen my testimony in him and understand the love he has for ALL of us – builders & destroyers? For me that is enough and I can now let this rest with that knowledge.

The answer I prayed for and received as I have written this : Jesus said love everyone, treat them kindly to. When your heart is filled with love, others will love you.

DC Vacation

Stephen and I just returned from a delightful vacation to Washington DC. I said it more than once to him while we were there, "this may be my favorite vacation". It was a beautiful time of year, it was good company, it was a much needed break from a full and eventful summer, it was relaxing, it was historical, & it was almost free! These all compounded into my possible favorite vacation thus far.

When Stephen told me he would be going to DC for a OP Network Convention this past July, I jokingly asked if I could come because DC has been on my bucket list for years. As in true Stephen fashion, he found a way to make it happen. "Yes" to sky miles! "Yes" to asking parents for babysitting help. "Yes" to the calendar without any conflicts.

He left on Sunday, August 28. I left on the following Wednesday. His meetings were over on Thursday afternoon. We were home by 9 pm on Saturday, September 3. It was fast and furious and lots and lots of fun!

When I got into town, Stephen met me at the metro and we headed to our hotel to drop off my bags. He informed me that he was able to get me a nametag and guest pass to attend all of the meals with opnet. We ate well – it was fancy. The hotel we stayed at was probably the nicest I have ever stayed in – there were even white bathrobes in the closet. 🙂 It was conveniently located near to the national mall and enabled us to walk (a few miles) to our desired destinations and Smithsonian museum visits. It was also near a metro stop for the more distant tourist sites!

Wednesday night after a great dinner, we headed toward the national mall and ended up by the capital. We were entertained by the "President's own marine band" playing out in front of the capital. It was awesome! The reflecting pool was beautiful and I loved the cultural that surrounded me everywhere I turned. 

Thursday morning, I was able to go to the Holocaust Museum and Bureau of Engraving and Printing while Stephen attended his last classes. I walked pass the Washington Monument and found out it was closed to public because of the earthquake. I headed up the street and noticed that the Engraving and Printing Bureau was open before the Holocaust museum and decided, since I had the time while waiting, that I would check it out. I went on a great tour of how paper money is made. Did you know that our bills are made from 25% linen and 75% cotton with synthetic fibers woven into them? I didn't! 

I have always had a tender spot in my heart for Holocaust literature and found myself very moved as I walked through the museum. It was a very somber and reverent place for me as I peered at the card of the person I was going through the museum to remember. I am amazed at the courage and faith these victims faced the brutality of Hitler's regime.

After I ate lunch with Stephen and met some of his friends, we headed out to see a bunch of Smithsonian Museums … Air and Space Museum, American History, and walked past the White House. After that we traveled by metro to ward the DC LDS Temple. We were prepared to walk 1-2 miles to the temple from the metro, but were more than excited when we saw across the street a little bus that said – LDS Temple. We crossed the street and found out that it is a new thing the temple is offering to patrons. The bus waits indefinitely at this location until it has some people to take to the temple. We were able to do a session. It was a special experience and so wonderful to see this beautiful temple at night.

Next morning we woke up to a full day planned! We first rode the metro out to Arlington Cemetery. We watched the changing of the guards at the tomb of the unknown solider and it was very cool. They have been changing guards 24 hours a day, every day of the year for 90 years! That is quite astounding to think about and very neat. We also walked over to the Iwo Jima Monument and took some pictures.

Stephen was super excited to walk to the "Red, Hot and Blue" BBQ joint for lunch. It ended up being quite a trek, but well worth it. On the way there I learned, from my mom, that JT had been to the doctor and diagnosed with Reactive Airway Disease. I owe my parents a lot for all of the help they give to us! She has been a special care giver to JT in his recent times of need twice now – I am just glad that this time she didn't have to put him on an ambulance, like when I was at girls camp a month ago! Crazy times. Thank heaven for cell phones and credit cards and modern conveniences, we were able to help get the nebulizer he needs.

After lunch and JT's medical needs, we hopped back onto the subway and headed toward National Archives, The Library of Congress, and Museum of Natural History. National Archives was very cool – to get to see the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights, and Constitution. The Library of Congress was equally amazing! I was fascinated with all of the quotes everywhere I turned. The building that houses the largest book collection in the world was somewhere I could spend days. Museum of Natural History was also interesting – like everything else! The Hope diamond, dinosaur hall, and Neanderthal/homosapian displays were my favorites. I was sooo pooped after all of that, that I couldn't even think of trying to hit anymore monuments like we had planned. So I talked Stephen into dinner and a shorter walk to visit a few stores that I remembered Stacie recommending from her and Paige's DC trip. We also walked past the Ford Theater and remembered where President Lincoln was assassinated. We came home and packed our bags for home and set our alarm clock early enough that we could walk to see the last of the monuments before our flight home @ 1pm.

Saturday morning, we woke up and headed toward Lincoln memorial – about a 2 mile walk one way from our hotel. It was definitely worth the wait and a special way to end our wonderful trip. This statue is much larger than I expected and the quotes surrounding Pres. Lincoln, including the Gettysburg address, were humbling. Our country was so blessed to have such a leader as Abraham Lincoln. For me, witnessing this monument as well as Thomas Jefferson's was very spiritual. The vision and inspiration that evoked from these men (as well as George Washington) is something that I reverence and honor being an American citizen. It is very apparent that they were spiritual men who looked to God and recognized His hand in all things. They weren't in the political business for the glory & power – we need more men like that today in our country! We also walked through Franklin Delanoe Roosevelt's memorial. I gained a greater appreciation for this president. He seemed to lead with common sense and be driven for the common good of the people as he led the country through the Great Depression and on as he sat in a wheel chair. Amazing quotes come from this man and were etched in stone there. The newest monument in DC is the Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial. Just like the other men talked about before, I appreciate his "dream" and hope he had for the future. The day in which we now live.

After writing all of this down, I'm ready to go back! Loved this vacation!!!!!