Yesterday we spent time after church relaxing and recuperating after a wonderful holiday! It has been such a beautiful time to spend time with family and visit our friends with happy wishes.
I had a special request to turn on our home movies because I have been feeling like I've been missing just spending time with my little family and realizing how fast they are growing up. I felt like I wanted to snuggle up with each of them on the couch and reminisce the good ole' days! We had fun looking at how little and cute our family was over the past 9 years. I wish somehow we could appreciate life more as we live it. Because doesn't it seem like as we rewind through it with pictures and movies that it was "the life"? Probably because we don't usually pull out a video camera when we are all feeling grumpy and upset and fighting with each other.
It used to be that as I viewed pictures or movies of myself from the past that I would cringe just a little and wish I were skinnier, less vocal, more relaxed, have cuter hair, or be better dressed. BUT yesterday as I looked on snuggled up to my people who love me unconditionally I dared to look through different eyes. I found that I really love that person I used to be, after all she has gotten me where I am today. And I can honestly say that I am living my dream life. I am actually exceeding my dreams in expectation and satisfaction. What a blessed life I get to live!. So as I looked at the past and accepted me for who I was, it felt pretty therapeutic. I didn't feel a need to shout out an apology or mock myself in an unhealthy way – I just smiled inside instead. Perhaps it is that I am more mature and realize better what really matters in life? Maybe I am just too tired to care anymore? Possibly both?
Either way I look at it, I have finally come to peace with an unconscious competition I was having with the world. It's not about people being better than me – we are all different for a reason. There is so much to learn from each other, it is a shame that at times we get trapped into being too self conscience and comparing ourselves to other people – not feeling like we are as good as… How much happier we can be if we choose to instead see the beauty and various talents each person has come to the world to offer.
Yesterday I was able to put myself as a participator in life instead of a being a spectator. Heavenly Father has put us on the earth and views us as equals (even me)- this makes me think of a horizontal approach rather than a vertical one where we tend to see how much farther up the ladder we are getting or live in fear that we are the lowest on the totem pole, so to speak – like pieces in a game. I believe that we are actually meant to be here standing side by side (think horizontally) ready to encourage, uplift, and cheer for each other through the good and bad times.