Author: runlittlejo

Today I've been thinking a bit about my job. I actually have one of the most important jobs on earth. In my mind, even more important than running a nation or flying to the moon: I am a mother. Some people may assume that becoming and being a mother is a natural process and that every women knows just how to do it. I agree with that to a certain extent, but I also add that from my personal experience it takes a lot of desire and determination. I expect a lot of myself in regards to my motherhood career, and because of this I am constantly trying to learn and implement new tactics. For me, motherhood must be deliberate. Because of this, I have found myself drawn to certain parenting books this year. I have been able as I read these to take what i feel will work for my kids/family and leave the rest. This entry is an attempt to report my findings of what has worked for me over the years.

#1 – Favorite parenting book is the scriptures! In the scriptures I read of other parents trying to put the Lord first in their lives and teaching their children to follow His ways. When I am diligent with my scripture reading, I find that somehow what I've read, at least once a week, will come in handy with a challenge or situation that my children are battling. I am amazed at how the spirit works in our homes when we are humble and let it. I have quoted scriptures to certain kids that I didn't even think i knew – probably some of the seminary scripture mastery's from 20 years ago. I am appreciate of the way the scriptures fan my faith and help me understand that my children are actually God's children and with that reminder prayer becomes a greater life line for then inspiration I need to be prepared. My all time favorite scripture right now about parenting from the Book of Mormon is found in 1 Nephi 8:37-38…look it up it is all good, but the last line is what I would love to be better at: "and he did cease from speaking to them".

#2 -The Entitlement Trap, by Richard and Linda Eyre. I LOVE this book. It outlines the remedy to the problem of entitlement as being ownership. It then goes into why it is important to have ownership in all areas in our lives and then how we can implement it. I appreciate how this book helped me find a better balance, that being a good parent isn't rescuing our kids from their mistakes and coddling them when hard things come, but encouraging them and assisting them in solving their own problems.

#3 – The five Love Languages of Children, by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. This book was the first one I read to help me understand that my kids don't necessarily accept and feel love the same way as me. It gave good ideas of how to help me with my kids and how they may learn at school in a less traditional way and then be able to support my child better.

#4 & #5 – How to talk to your chlid about sex, by Linda and Richard Eyre & Where Do Babies Come From? by Brad Wilcox. We have used these two books together as an introduction to teaching our children about the birds and the bees. Let's face it, this topic is NOT a comfortable one to talk openly about, but our kids need to be told in a loving and gentle way the correct way to view this topic. I would never want their friends to teach them, or be left to figure things out after listening to songs or watching a movie or TV show. They need to know how beautiful this topic is and treat it with reverence and respect.

#6 – The Child Whisperer, by Carol Tuttle. Very interesting read. She teaches how to "type" children's natures. This is done with facial profiling and also the energy in which children lead with in life. I have found it very enlightening and helpful in being a more patient mom, and letting my children be who they are and not be what I think they should be. It has also helped me in many other relationships in life – to be more understanding and get what motivates different people and their personalities.  This concept has also helped me understand myself much better and be more content with who I am and not feel like I have to try and be someone I'm not.

#7 -The Parenting Breakthrough, by Merilee

3. Transportation – walk, bike, bus, trolley, muni metro, BA metro, and airplanes. Lots of ways to get around and we did it all! I had fun being in walking distance to many fun places to shop! We were by some awesome malls and stores I don't get to very often so that was a fun bonus! On Sunday we walked to church – I think I saw more homeless people in San Francisco than I ever saw in NYC. We walked down a rough street about 2 miles to get there and I was happy when we made it for many reasons. Biking along all of the Piers, over the Golden Gate Bridge, and into Sausalito was probably my all time favorite thing we did! I LOVED it very much – it was a beautiful day, a challenging ride for me with all of those hills and 30 miles, and gorgeous ocean views! The trolley was a bit anti climatic because it was broken down for half of the ride and it was pricey. I'm glad we did it to say we rode on a trolley, but other than than – eh?! The bus was nice to hop on and off of for $2 – saved my legs a few times. 🙂 I sat by a cute little Chinese boy on one stop who made my day. He was a friendly, whistling, singing six year old. I was on my own to get back to the airport from the city and I had quite an adventure. Stephen walked me to the metro and advised me to get on the yellow line and stay on it all the way to SFO (the airport). Well I wasn't aware that there are two different trains- a muni train for around San Fran, and BART, a train that runs to Oakland and other larger cities near San Francisco. I was suppose to get on BART, but ended up on the yellow line of the muni.  I realized my mistake half way through the ride and made friends with a nice guy who helped me know where to get off and transfer to BART. I did so and got on BART – the yellow line. BUT apparently there is a yellow line train that bi-passes the SFO stop – that would have been nice to know! So I got to ride to the end of that line and make another friend who helped me get to the final yellow line train that eventually got me to the airport. Phew! That was a long & interesting morning. The airport was easy to navigate through and I luckily made my flight on time. Let's just say it was an educational adventure, that I'm glad I gave myself plenty of time to go on. 

4. Food – Let me just say here, that having been married for close to 19 years, we totally get each other's eating habits and desires. Neither of us are adventurous – strike off all of that cuisine first off! I'm a little leery of fishy tastes or dirty floors & tables, Stephen is a little worried about pricey and fancy. So we stay out of those areas and generally have good luck and we ate well! Fist night it was at Chipotle – a great fast food mexican restaurant. 10 stars from Stephen. Next night we ate at In-and-Out Burger. We loved it and don't care that we will most likely be judged for not eating clam chowder at fisherman's wharf.  My only complaint is there were way too many people, which lends itself to dirty. haha 😉 We also topped the night off sharing a yummy ice cream waffle bowl at Ghirardell on the Pier, very chocolately = good. Next on our hit list was the roof top Cheesecake factory at Union Square. So delicious, classsy, and filling = home run! Again lots and lots of people. We snuck over to chipotle for chips and gaucomole for an evening snack.  Last night I was there we headed back down to the Pier on the trolley for Boudin. The sourdough factory. We learned about why San Francisco has a special "sour" to their sour dough and why it is so famous. We saw them making and baking bread, and we smelled it too! After that we endulged in a San Francisco tomato, basil, and garlic sour dough pizza and also shared chili in a sourdough bread bowl. Woah – its a good thing we walked a lot and went on a bike ride to work a little of all of that good stuff off!

5. VM World – Stephen was so funny and every day he came home from the convention he would produce his "spoils" from the day and take a photo. He is definitely addicted to getting free stuff – especially t shirts. He beat his record from last year and is well past 50 shirts. I told him that if he gets the same exact tshirt it doesn't count to make it more of a challenge for him. I think that we may have to give shirts out to trick or treaters this year.

Well, it was a great few days and I am grateful I had the opportunity to go and have some great moments with Stephen! Until next time…I'll tuck these thoughts away and have fond memories.

Ready, Set, Here we go!

Yesterday I got back from a fun extended weekend in San Francisco with my man. Stephen was able to go to a convention call VM World at the Mascone Center there and we fit in some fun times when he wasn't there.

A few highlights/memories from the trip are as follows:

1. My Husband – Back in February Stephen begged me to book a flight and go with him on this trip. I was extremely reluctant given the timing and all that had to go on during this time, but saw that determined look in his eyes and consented. He can be very persuasive. I had a thought run across my mind from a conversation I had on a visiting teaching visit from when I was living in Idaho Falls. My wise bishop's wife told me, "Your kids are a temporary gift given to you from your Heavenly Father, but your husband is your to keep for Eternity. Your kids are going to grow up, move away, and have their own families – and your husband will be with you by your side always." Good timing to remember this and sealed the deal. I am so flattered that my husband wants to spend time with me and begs me to be with him. I love him all the more for it! I had a great time being with my best friend. He was a true friend and even though I know he could have flown past me on the bike ride, took time to enjoy the ride and talk to me. He also offered to get a room with bathroom in it, if it really bothered me (see below). 🙂 He navigated me through the city I would have been lost in and kept me safe. He encouraged me when my IT band started buggingg me on the bike ride, and he held my hand as we walked to church and talked to me about his spiritual feelings. I just love that man. Happy I get to be with him forever.

2.. Our Hotel – The Mosser. A fun surprise was waiting for me here. I didn't know that I would be staying in a place that had a community bathroom and shower. You decide if it was a good or bad surprise. 🙂 Stephen absolutely love it and thought it was awesome, probably to counteract my shocken facial expression. I decided in the first 5 minutes to not make it be a deal breaker and enjoyed it for the most part. I'm not going to lie though, showering in a tiny room was away from my room after some other person was in there was definitely way outside of my comfort zone. I guess I am going to chalk this up there as phase one into "preparing for my future mission with my husband someday". (seriously though!) We were on the 7th floor and slept with the window open – it was very LOUD! Sirens from ambulances & police, the taxi horns, the valet whistles, people laughing loudly – definitely different than the birds, tractors, and sprinklers I usually hear. The elevator was kind of slow so sometimes we took the stairs – they were really steep. Our hotel was very charming in its own way.

This is it – our double bed room and a sink that you can’t see.

waiting for the shop to open to rent our bikes

I think it should be called Fishermans/Seagulls Wharf of San Francisco

I decided to make a highlight list of the things that I learned and don't want to forget from Education Week – so I have a good place to come and reference them when needed.

• We need good intrapersonal communication – an easier way to say it is to have a good relationship with ourselves! For increased positivity try doing the following for 21 days in a row: 1. meditate 5-10 minutes a day 2. exercise regularly for 30 min 3. Participate in random acts of kindess 2-3xs a day 4. express/feel gratitude 3-4 xs a day 5. Write at lest one of those things we are thankful for in a journal.
• Date Night Dancing – at BYUI every Friday night for $2/couple with BYUidaho card. Let Stephen lead. 🙂 We learned the Box step…slow, quick, quick, slow, quick, quick.
• 80% of a person's impression of you is visual. Teach kids the rules of good manners at a FHE. When meeting someone for the first time make eye contact, have a confidant & firm voice, a firm hand shake and use this format: GREETING (hello, hi, hey), BUSINESS (I'm first & last name), PLEASANTRY (I don't believe we've met).  For a response you mirror the same format: GREETING, BUSINESS (reciprocate with your name), PLEASANTRY (It's noce to meet you). Do the "re-do" if you forget someone's name….just apologize and admit it and acknowledge where you think you've met before. NEVER say, "remember me?"
• HARD WORK & HUMILITY produce powerful spiritual growth" – President Clark (Use these words for our back to school motto this year!) Everything that matters requires hard work. Ether 12:27, pay attention to the word "may" – we have a choice. Sometimes the Lord says to us, "Your plan is NOT my plan."
• D&C 88:119 *Organize 1st, so we can do the rest. Start holding a parent "presidency meeting" to discuss the concerns of our kids and make a plan for ways to help them. David A. Bednar, "…overarching spiritual quest to fulfill the mandate to receive the Holy Ghost." The Holy Ghost protects our family. Galatians 5:22-23. Goal in our family should be to "just do a little better." D&C 64:33? small and simple things…Thanks John!
• Have Confidence in your own parenting. Have confidence in  your kids. Confidence at useful skills develops self-esteem. Girls respond to colorful things and can hear 80% better than males. Boys need action and more volume and directness. Work alongside your kids when you can. When evaluating the work our kids do – have them do it! Q. what did you like? what could use a little more attention? Is this your best?
• Listening is hearing, understanding, remembering and responding. TOOLS: 1. acknowledge you can be a better listener and then practice it! 2. Take notes, especially on the critical conversations! 1 kings 19:11 also write down spiritual impressions. 3. Paraphrase – restate what is said 4. Use questions, only use "why" if it isn't used to ask about feelings.
• Watch finding Nemo and be a little more like the turtle – trust my kids to know their limits to stay within the parameters that have been laid out when adventuring. Allowing and encouraging kids to explore in adventures can create a healthy self- esteem and realization that they can do hard things. Participate in adventures with your kids, teach them the boundaries and then allow them to fly.
• Being the chocolate chip in the oven of life. (The chips keep shape when under pressure of heated oven) C.H.I.P. (Covenant keeping, Hold On –  2 Nephi 31:19-20 , Individuality with Integrity – D&C 124:15 love what is right, Personal Perfection – Moroni 10:32perfected means "finished, complete, whole" remember that Grace comes to us. think of this in terms of a daily experience NOT just at the culmination of life. Each day our perfect is at a different % and Christ's grace will come to us and make up the difference every time when we let it.
• Apply this quote by President Ezra Taft Benson about missionary work to parenting(or anything else): "When missionary work ceases to become an irritant and becomes a quest…in that moment you find great power!" Raising resilient kids (they are needed in the world and in the mission field) 1. Be kind and firm in what kids need to do. Don't give in when the whining and complaining ensue…stop rescuing them. 2. Teach children to do hard things….work past their comfort level. 3. teach them to problem solve, empower them to find their own answers and solutions. let them think for themselves when situations arise. Ask questions and support them even if you know it might not work. Let them learn and then support them in trying again when they fail. 4. Specifically validate their effort – not the action. Don't want kids to feel like the "things they do" is more important than the effort involved.
• Mosiah 4:30 (thoughts) watch the negative ones that can leave us feeling anxious. What is your 100% bad? Really think about it, it helps put worries, troubles, discouragement & hopelessness in the proper perspective. Replace the negative ones with positive thoughts like, "this is only 10% bad", "I can stand this", "I'm willing to submit", "I am a Child of God, I'm worth a lot", "I don't like it that's okay, I can stand it anyway".

I am now 38 years old. 38! I'm still trying to decide how old I really "feel" – sometimes it's 18 other times it's 78. Either way I've recently had an epiphany about birthdays. Most anyone who takes the time to read these next thoughts will most likely think, "she is only now realizing this?", but I feel like writing it down today anyway – so there! 🙂

A few weeks ago, I was driving down the road having a nice talk with my favorite newly turned 5 year old, JT, on his birthday. He was asking questions and I was supplying the answers like any loyal mom does. I can't even remember the question he posed but it had something to do with birthdays. As I was giving my answer to the little boy in the back seat, this answer grew into an idea that I didn't even plan to be thinking about – I'm calling it my birth day epiphany. Notice I purposefully put a space between birth and day. I'm not sure how much of the following thought made it out of my mouth to JT, but the basic and watered down version of the following concept did. As I write it down today it's certain that I'm adding more than a few words to compete the idea as I've had time to think about it for a few weeks. Here goes:

I think that one special reason we could celebrate and get so excited on our birthdays is because it is a time that we can remember the day we got our earthly bodies. Our bodies help us run fast, taste yummy food, smell pretty flowers, and see awesome mountains. Without our bodies we couldn't do any of that stuff. We used to live in Heaven before we came to earth as a spirit, our form looked the same as we look now, but we didn't have flesh, blood, and bones. In Heaven we lived with our Heavenly mom and dad and brothers and sisters. Up in heaven Heavenly Father (God) got all of us spirits together and told us about a cool plan He had for us – he called it the great plan of Happiness. In this plan we would get to come down to earth and get a body of flesh, blood, & bones! This body would make it possible for us to become like Him.  We wanted to progress and do that a lot so we cheered (probably even did a happy dance) and got really excited at this idea – even then it was making us happy. I think when it's our birthday here on earth we should still be so happy and excited and celebrate because we are here living in those bodies that we were super excited to come down and get. Being born is the time when our spirit from heaven gets to come and live in the body our earthy parents created for us. So because of this epiphany I think whenever it is a person's birthday I'll think, "what and honor you and I have of being here on this earth together and living in these bodies we have – aren't we still happy?"

Now to change to the other extreme: I have had the unfortunate opportunity of knowing people (people that I've been close to in this life experience) who take their life. It has been hard to fathom an act so contrary to that of what I have just explained above. I feel an urgency and obligation inside of me to help anyone I love and care about come to know of the importance of having the opportunity to live their life on earth in a human body. I know without any doubt that Satan and his destroying angels rejoice when they can feed enough lies into a living breathing human's mind that they are worthless or nobody likes them; that they are past the point of no return; that things would be better off without them; that life is getting too hard or complicated to live anymore and it's time to quit; and then that living breathing human in a weak moment believes it. ALL LIES! No person is worthless or friendless- we are all children of GOD just think about that!!; no person will ever be past the point of forgiveness from God because of the gift of the atonement that our brother and Savior Jesus Christ offers for us; Life will NOT be better without "you" being here to learn and grow and become better; Life can be hard and get very complicated but it CAN get better if we stay positive and seek the right kind of help! Every person is valuable and important – our spirit brother or sister.

Our bodies, no matter what condition they are currently in, are amazing. Let us not take for granted the gift and opportunity it is to be living the mortal experience. Let us be grateful for the challenges our bodies give us to remind us that at least we have one. Let us have respect for them and other people's and treat them with dignity and virtue – never to defile the miraculous gift for what it is. May we cherish each day we are allowed to look through our eyes, feel through our touch, taste through our lips, smell through fresh air, and feel the wind flutter through our hair and say, "I am thankful for the gift of my body and the opportunity it is to be HERE!"

“In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf

An especially good quote to remember on days like today.

When considering a glass of water one is asked: is it Half Full or Half Empty? It is barometer of sorts to see if one is an optimist or a pessimist. I like to smile really big and tell everybody I'm a realist. My family teases me and tells me I'm a dream killer. haha

Yesterday, Lily came home from school with a heavy little heart. The last few months at school have been pretty dramatic with the girls she has interacted with this year. My heart was sad for her. It is so silly that one girl says they won't be your friend if you are friends with a certain different girl. Who decided to put such high stakes on friendship? Can't everybody just ALL be friends? I wanted to take the hurt and frustration away and protect her from all of the attacks that were being made against her self-esteem armor. To keep it real I wanted to march right over and knock on the "rude" little girl's door and give her a lesson on being nice. But I can't fight rudeness with more rudeness right? I can't, and I shouldn't – I won't. It is more beneficail to "kill them with kindness" even if it isn't our first reaction. 🙂 It is a hard thing to understand and realize that as a mature and wise person the best way to rescue and help our children is to be a shoulder to cry on and have a smile to offer when they feel they don't have a friend left in the world – even when your own heart is breaking inside for their hurt.  Offering them a home where they can feel safe and protected emotionally as well a physically is of high importance. I am grateful to be a mother and try my best to be this person for my children. I have gone through similar experiences with Lexi and Mason, and I'm sure to experience this same scenario many more time with each of them in addition to Olivia & JT.

To fight back against the sorrow and drama so prevalent, I suggested that Lily make some cookies and think of somebody to share them with, because I know it helps me when I feel like she was feeling. She reluctantly took me up on the suggestion, and as I came into the kitchen and watched her melting butter and cocoa together I could see her spirits lifting – slowly but surely. I joined her cookie making efforts and in the end we both felt better. She composed a couple of notes for two of her friends whose loyalty and kindness she really appreciates. We talked about how easy it is to see the bad things that are happening and less likely to see the good, by digging a little we recognized a few good things that happened and pretty soon we were on a roll "counting our blessings."

The cookies were delivered and we came home for FHE. As much as I tried to stay positive and patient with things, I could feel myself sinking into frustration quickly. Kids fighting, kids not wanting to help, kids feeling pressured to get homework finished, whining, complaining, Stephen not getting home until 6:30, trying to share important feelings on FHE topic and feeling like nobody is listening, planting the garden as a family and feeling like my opinion was being interpreted as "naggy" and too high of expectations. I was tired physically and it was obviously manifesting itself emotionally inside of me. After trying to stay strong and be as neutral as possible as to not set off a bomb, we finally said the family prayer – a signal the day would finally end and afterward I quickly exclaimed,"I'm going to bed." I was scared of my emotional self. I sensed that Stephen was tired of the demanding expectations he must feel like I always have; I felt discouraged as I worried that Alexis views me as a slothful mother who always makes her do all of the work; I was overwhelmed at the fact that Mason was overwhelmed with homework and probably could have used some extra support & help; I was frustrated with Lily and her temper and stubbornness about not getting to take a shower before bed, but it was too late; I was annoyed that Olivia's room smelled like urine and I was too unorganized of a mom and didn't get all of her smelly clothes washed, in addition to being mad at myself for not helping her overcome her wetting habits; I was remorsefully reflective that I haven't recently been taking opportunities to tuck JT into bed each night with a song or a story because I was too exhausted. 

Then, just as was about asleep, Stephen broke the news to me, that Lexi feels like it's all her fault that I am feeling overwhelmed. "Great!", I sarcastically thought but could not let out the response. I had become an empty shell who couldn't and didn't want to feel anymore for the day – I had shut down. I closed my eyes and prayed a silent prayer that things would be better when I woke up. But when the alarm clock rang my body and mind felt the same. After hitting snooze twice, I willed myself to wake up but couldn't find the strength or courage to feel even "half full" – I was "half empty" as my feet hit the floor. I ran down the road with my thoughts & a prayer and tried to sort through everything. It was a ping pong match against negative and positive thoughts – discouragement then hope. I am grateful that I have a Heavenly Father whose has a "shoulder I can cry on", and offers me "emotional safety". As I sorted and sifted and humbled myself enough to feel the answers I needed, the answers came concerning my current state: 1. I need to study my scriptures more (not just read the words) to continually recognize how much I need the Lord's influence daily in my life  2. I need to play and have quality time with my kids – it is time to really play, really talk (the demands of all of the extras in my life need to take a back seat to enjoying time with my growing children)  3. I need to forget about me – talk less & listen more, realize that my quiet humility is much more valuable than my boisterous pride. Funny thing in all of this – I already knew these answers last night, I just needed to take the time to really want to overcome my selfish and stubborn nature.

And just for the record, I am so blessed to get to live in a family unit and experience the unconditional love they offer as well as the encouragement when I have a bad day.

So in less than 24 hours I have experienced optimism, pessimism, and found myself back at realistic. I am recognizing in this moment how much I learn being a parent. I certainly can't encourage Lily to be forgiving and look for the good in life when I am not willing to do it myself. I appreciate the opportunity to help her through her experience, because in essence by trying to teach her the best way to handle a bad day, I was able to – in my own way – re-teach myself.

Now it's time for me to go find somebody to "take cookies and a note to". 🙂

"How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it; if you could really look at other men [and women] with common curiosity and pleasure….You would break out of this tiny and tawdry theatre in which your own little plot is always being played, and you would find yourself under a freer sky, and in a street full of splendid strangers."

G.K. Chesterton

A tradition was started (I'm not sure how long ago), and the Parker mom's began taking weekend retreats once a year. It is fun to learn, chat, laugh, and make memories with these top notch ladies. It would have been fun to itemize all of the family events we had to miss seeing or hearing about collectively in order to make this getaway happen. For me alone it was Olivia's Kindergarten program & soccer game, as well as playgroup; Lily's activity days, soccer practice & game; Mason's soccer practice & game and his scout campout; let's not forget JT's constant need for entertainment; Lexi's soccer game & practices, as well as a birthday party. I say this to recognize how aweome the Parker Men are in our lives – who are so willing to pick up the slack with transportation, keeping house tidy, making sure everybody eats, and being there as a referee and to lend emotional counseling when called upon – all while holding down a job.  We could never have these getaway's without them and awesome/good kiddos at home. I came home to Lexi doing the family laundry and also found out that she had organized a cleaning brigade to get the house ready and clean for Sunday (without being asked). Bless HER HEART!! I am so proud of her initiative and support. She has figured me out – happy kids and clean houses make me feel so happy and loved for some reason? 🙂

This year it was decided that we would attend BYU Women's Conference for our annual retreat. What an amazing place to fill a bucket that needs refilling. The theme was, "And they were armed with righteousness and with the power of God in great glory" 1 Nephi 14:14. Many talks were prepared and presented to help us women understand the need to be armed in righteousness. I loved the theme and the program cover – it inspires me to want to be better and try harder. At night when we returned to the lovely home of Stephanie's sister in law, we talked about life's mysteries and problems until well past midnight – it felt like a mom slumber party. I'm motivated to try new ideas in my home and have an even greater determination to strengthen my home & family because of these few days. Good times with good women.